it's been awhile.

somedays when it's really difficult, i think of writing, of putting my thoughts out there again. in hope that someone, anyone, you sees it.

i hate february. it's the month where i'm reminded the most of everything i lost and don't have.

maybe this is my punishment for being selfish. for putting myself first. i see you walking away. i see him walking into the sea. and the solitude, the quiet.. it's crushing sometimes. 

is it worth it? I don't know. I only hope it is. and this is part of the process. in all aspects of my life, i would say that me at 28 years old is considered a success. I achieved everything i wanted. I loved (and lost), but I loved once at the very least.. passionately, fierily, and wholeheartedly. I gave all that i had, and more. maybe that's why i find myself missing a few parts sometimes. 

i'm tired. its exhausting to feel so much, think so much. it's draining to try and live not just for me, for you, for him.